The shades of traveling

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Photo by Alamy

The mix of passengers congregated on an aeroplane could not be more diverse if you were picking them off a list.

Sitting tethered to my cattle class seat I enjoyed looking around at what people do to stay busy or just experiencing this self-inflicted torment for the first time. Wondering who and what is waiting at the end of the flight for them, or even if the flight is the end?

You noticed the elderly couple on their first flight, visiting relatives or maybe a deserved holiday, staring fixedly at the boarding notices in the departure hall, trying to correlate what the ticket states with what is visible on the ever changing board. Double checking gate and flight numbers, making sure the departure time is still as planned.

You think, poor “geriatrics”, maybe they should have asked for assistance during the flight. Next thing you know, they are across from you in their seats, they made it on time to the right flight after all. To your surprise they pull out a handheld electronic device and connect effortlessly with the Wi-fi and on-board entertainment. By the time I stopped kicking myself for traveling without mine – see I am visiting a crime ridden country, so rather safe than sorry – he was already working on his high score!

After lunch with the complimentary wine* sipped slowly, a bottle each I might add, they are settling in for a well-deserved rest, with him trying manly to stray upright, but the neck muscles are just not made for this type of extended suffering, but alas, eventually his head silently affirming his dreams with a nod.

*Why do we tend to think that wine on an aeroplane will taste better than what we buy back home? It is usually sour or if you are lucky, it tastes like nothing, rather go for the double shot of spirits to settle the stomach I say.

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Then you get the couple who would like to give their children everything they did not have when they were toddlers – an overseas holiday. Nothing gets spared, as well as the other passengers. Mom gets into gear and packs for all eventualities, hunger, thirst, runny tummy, sleeplessness, you name it. But wait, this was dad’s idea, so he is forced to spend some one on one time with the little brat(s). Taking turns for the toilet break, walking them when the movie gets boring – every 5 minutes – or keeping the volume down to minimize the discomfort of their fellow passengers. Who by the way have to keep a polite face, pretending that it is the quietest, cutest child they have ever met and understandably they will be fidgety when not in their natural environment…NOT.

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Photo by Getty images

So here is my invention (patent pending, interested parties can contact me directly): Area for parents and children – an air playpen – or Airpen. Kick the obnoxious business class out. Make a customised soundproof area with all the facilities for the traveling child – parents included of course.

Then you get the seasoned traveler, streamlined, all necessities at hand, quiet and efficient. Checked in online, with the boarding pass ready on the mobile. No last minute rush for gifts/booze/trinkets. They are the last to get on the bus – because there is no crush of people on the last bus – luggage stowed and settled by the time newbies like you take to gawk and drool at the first-class passengers, wishing that you did not have to squeeze down to your seat which by the way has been occupied by the ignoramus who does not know anything about personal space or hygiene. And with a lot of gesturing and pointing to the seat number, the volume going up ever so slightly with each exchange, they get up nonchalantly and move one seat (silent scream!). There you are trapped in between hell and a bad B.O.

Getting up, climbing over the ignoramus for your meticulously timed toilet break. You stay seated until after lunch, because there is usually a rush just after take-off and then an hour later you have the ones who realize that you are allowed to take bathroom breaks while flying and have to test this novelty (testing the myth about flushing while seated). But not you, no, you go about half an hour after the meal has been served, perfectly timed to miss the weak of bladder and adventurous.

While you are up, getting some fresher air (away from your B.O buddy) you run into the ladies chatting at the back. They always seem to be in their 50’s or early 60’s, one of them a frequent flyer and the other a newbie. It seems that they always gravitate towards the back of the plane and they just pick up with a conversation as if they have known one another since birth. Catching snippets, listening but not listening, you pick up on health issues, politics, all the planning going into the daughters’ wedding and generally not helping to solve the world’s problems.

Eventually you reach the end of the flight and now you will notice just a slight change in behaviour, caused by what? Reduction in gravity, dehydration? There is a sudden sense of importance which is much worse on short flights than on long hauls by the way. When people board, they are all fluffy and rosy with “please” and “let me help you”, to that all so subtle change when disembarking. Each person tries to get his/her overhead luggage the quickest. Now a little elbow in the face, stepping on toes and no time to wait is at the order of the day. Or is this just the relief to be back on mother earth and they want to get away from the capsule of torture as soon as possible?

After a lot of shoving to get on the bus first, you catch them waiting for their luggage. Energy burned and tempers repressed for the wild notion that being first is what counts. Didn’t the tortoise win the race after all? This is just a slice of fascination you will find on a flight. The shades might be different, but they are there if you look for it.

Back in my country of birth with friends and family to see. I still love my chair in the air and when you fly, you might just see me there.


One thought on “The shades of traveling

  1. Hehehe! Having flown regularly to and from Asia I can add a few to your stereotypes. Luckily… if I time it juuuust right… the sour red wine makes me sleep through most of the flight. My hayfever usually also kicks in hard, so the one with the BO has not bothered me much yet (touch wood). Catch you miles high over the ocean sometime. I will probably be in the back with the old ladies drinking some ice cold orange juice.

    Liked by 1 person

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